Grief is something we all face at various times in our life.  It can be caused by the death of a loved one, a divorce, a physical life changing trauma, or other event.  How we deal with this grief is key to our long term health and quality of life. 

I have read there are stages of grief and 5 is the most widely accepted theory it seems.  First is denial and isolation, followed by anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance.  I have actually been able to see people progress through these various stages during their grieving process.  But I also believe that this is more of a general rule than an exact roadmap for everyone. 

Let me start by telling you I am a crier.  I cry when I am happy, sad, mad, you name it.  I guess it is just the way my body releases emotion.  Not only do I find this annoying but also embarrassing.  I have seen families at funerals who are sitting there quietly looking on and wondered how they were keeping it together so well, I was crying more than they were.  I now understand this part-they are numb.  My Mother just recently passed on after battling Alzheimer’s for several years.  We are a small, close family and even though we knew it was a blessing (Alzheimer’s is a terrible disease), we were so deeply saddened by her loss.  I remember getting ready the morning of the funeral I told my husband I didn’t even know why I was bothering to put on make up.  His response was that I may be surprised at how I responded.  And he was actually right, I guess I was more numb than I even realized as I wasn’t my typical crying self.  In fact, the whole service didn’t even seem real.  I kept expecting to wake up from the bad dream any minute.

I have found that when something happens, people will relate their similar experiences to you.  I believe this is their way of letting you know they understand how you feel and are offering comfort.  I always appreciate their kindness and find their stories interesting.  After all, everyone has a story and we can usually learn something from it if we just pay attention.  What I have learned is that we all have some great similarities and some great disparities in how we face loss.  I believe that how we deal with this type of event in our lives can affect our health.  Grief is a natural process and if not dealt with, it can cause greater amounts of stress, which will then create additional free radicals and ultimately inflammation .  These can ultimately lead to aging and disease.  I remember watching a documentary on TV a few years ago where doctors were studying a group of people aged 100+.  They were identifying key traits that all of the people possessed which may have lead to their long life.  One of those traits was that they all dealt with grief well.  Due to their age, many had outlived a large number of family members including some children.  But overall, they dealt with this as they had many other events in their life, with acceptance.  They understood that all things happen for a reason even if they didn’t understand or like it, and that moving on and living their life to the fullest was the only productive thing they could do.

Some people just naturally handle difficult situations better than others.  If you are having difficulty coping with a loss, it is a good idea to get help.  Speak with friends, family, your pastor/priest, or a counselor.  Your health and happiness really do depend on it.